the very thought of You

Tonight after many months of existing as if in a daydream, after forgetting to the do the many ordinary things as the song would say, I feel an abstracted peace as the quietude of brisk spring night surrounds me and fills my blue room.

When I close my eyes I remember waking despite myself to a sunrise that was nothing more than a silent streetlamp whose brunt orange light was shivering on the still street. Alone, my mind races through the noise of my yesterdays and I stop and recognize myself sitting on an expanse of sand, furtively watching a little girl flying a kite with her father behind my big sunglasses. I watched as she danced in exhuberance while his shadow created the protective boundaries of her joy. The sea gulls gnawed greedily on the french fries left behind and tried hopelessly to join her peals of laughter with their wild cries. The father continues to fix the sometimes tangled string and helps a daughter carry a kite she can hardly hold. I walk away... and later think about God.

I think about being nothing more than a runny watercolor trying to cling to an empty white paper ... I think about forgetting too easily the shadow of a real Father who has created the boundaries of my happiness and pain.